There are many reasons why you shouldn't drive impaired. Especially because, in your altered state, you will make ridiculous excuses for your crime upon being confronted with it. You'll do something like blame it on circus animals.

And that's exactly what happened after Samuel Phipps drove his Land Rover into a guardrail Friday night. According to the trooper that arrived on the scene, the New Castle, Delaware man claimed he had only swerved off the road to avoid an elephant which he had observed running in the path of his vehicle. So far, police have found no evidence that there was an escaped elephant in New Castle on Friday. So far.

However, Phipps' story started to make a little more sense, so to speak, when he confessed to smoking a joint dipped in PCP before taking his fateful drive. The 31-year-old was arrested for DUI for the seventh time. He was also charged with driving without insurance.

Given what he was smoking, Phipps does have to be commended for resisting the urge to claim the elephant was "pink" or "flying."

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