Okay, so technically it was just a dream, but listen to the man's story or he'll find you and kick your ass all over the damn place.

"Like a white submarine heading into the Bermuda Triangle," is how the burgeoning poet describes what it must have looked like when he was performing a certain sex act on the lady bigfoot. The Texas Rattlesnake really does have a solid grasp of physical imagery, doesn't he?

We haven't heard much from Stone Cold lately, so it's good to know he's still got the ability to command our attention. It's not quite the same as watching him give Vince McMahon a Stunner then following it up by chugging a few Natty Lights, but hey, the guy's a little older now. He's got some new hobbies, and that's just fine by us.